Sports Column

We're losing the name game

On Sports

By kerry eggers

The Portland Tribune, Dec 30, 2008, Updated Oct 30, 2009 (11 Reader comments)

During the past year, Blazer radio voice Brian Wheeler has, in moments of passion, referred to Brandon Roy as “The Natural.”

The problem is, the nickname’s not exactly original. Sport’s “Naturals” already have included the likes of Robert Redford, Randy Couture, Jeff Francouer — and I’m probably missing somebody.

Don’t get me wrong. I applaud Wheeler’s attempt at some ingenuity. Anything but B-Roy, D-Wade, T-Law, T-Mac, J-Kidd and C-Webb.

Near as I can tell, this first-initial, last-name thing got started with A-Rod in the late ’90s. We need to eradicate it like smallpox.

I’m not totally opposed to using initials, parts of names or uniform numbers. Shaq makes sense. Z-Bo is OK. K-Mart (Kenyon or Kevin Martin) is marginally clever. Ditto for CP3 (Chris Paul, who wears No. 3) and AK 47 (Andrei Kirilenko, No. 47).

I long for the day, though, when pro sports actually had sobriquets that took some thought and showed originality.

I’m not advocating we plunge to the depths of ESPN’s Chris Berman, he of Jim “Two Silhouettes on” Deshaies, or Mike “You’re in Good Hands With” Allstott. Still, we can do better.

NBA lore holds a host of admirable nicknames.

Some have focused on size — Nate “Tiny” Archibald, William “Bird” Averitt, Damon “Mighty Mouse” Stoudamire, Anthony “Spud” Webb, “Dinner Bell” Mel Turpin, Corliss “Big Nasty” Williamson, Wilt “The Stilt” Chamberlain (he preferred “The Big Dipper”) and Charles Barkley, “The Round Mound of Rebound.” Antoine Carr and Glenn Robinson shared “Big Dog.”

Some refer to style of play — Gary “the Glove” Payton, Clyde “the Glide” Drexler, Darryl “Chocolate Thunder” Dawkins, Jason “White Chocolate” Williams, George “Iceman” Gervin, Vinnie “Microwave” Johnson, Earvin “Magic” Johnson, Earl “The Pearl” Monroe (aka “Black Magic”), “Pistol” Pete Maravich and Dominique Wilkins, “The Human Highlight Reel.”

Some have to do with the player’s legacy — Jerry “Mr. Clutch” West, “Larry Legend” Bird, Jim “Bad News” Barnes, “Big Game” James Worthy, Robert “Big Shot Bob” Horry and one of the best, Marvin “The Human Eraser” Webster.

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